Every setback has become a chapter in my textbook
...external validation & the inability to create value on my own fueled my decision making...
I grew up in Asbury NJ. As one of the few African Americans in my school district, I quickly learned pain of loneliness and the methods necessary to earn external validation. The most immediate method was athletic success & I found myself extremely successful early in my high school years. After being recruited by nearly 100 schools, I was off to the University of Houston with aspirations of Olympic glory.
Unable to stand out amongst standouts, external validation came by way of alcohol and substance abuse which swiftly replaced athletic success.
15 distressing years later, faith provided the forgiveness I was unable to provide myself, however, the need for external validation & generating value was never resolved.
I never addressed my desire for external validation & began basking in praises from families expressing joy in ” having their sons back!” This toxic aspiration exceeded my own efforts at home. The pursuit of external validation & the inability to create value on my own fueled my decision making. My wife provided the ultimate lesson when she demanded I get help. Through therapy, much different on the other side of the couch, I was given the gift I teach others. Recognizing our inherent value & escape from the hamster wheel of external validation.
As a coach I offer a combination of evidence-based practices, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) learned from a 1000 plus hours in a group setting, habit development & lived experience.
This brings me back to the quote “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” After my journey, I feel I’ve learned so much, but I will never know more than I care. Infinity clients deserve both caring and knowledge but caring will always be in the lead!